Category: Politics

Saudi Arabia’s Political Purge

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There has been a lot of news this week out of Saudi Arabia, which is basically America’s kooky rich uncle who occasionally beheads people. We all have one. But over the weekend, the kingdom went through some serious turmoil.

TV REPORTER: Breaking news. TV REPORTER: Breaking news out of Saudi Arabia. Palace intrigue to the nth degree. We’re seeing a truly historic upheaval unfold right now. A royal purge in Saudi Arabia. Rounding up several high profile people. Major arrests in Saudi Arabia. Meanwhile, a Saudi prince and several colleagues were killed in a helicopter crash on Sunday.

Saudis also intercepted a ballistic missile, that missile fired from Yemen. TV REPORTER: What in the world is going on in Saudi Arabia? The biggest story by far, is the heir to the throne, Prince Mohammed bin Salman, right? Who has been arresting most of the other princes, a sheik-ton of them? Saudi Arabia has more princes than a Minneapolis Halloween party. It’s so hard to keep track of these people. And that’s what makes this story peculiar, right?

Saudi Arabia is ruled by one big family, the House of Saud. So right now, we don’t really know if we need to send in the UN, or Andy Cohen. And the kingdom is calling this a crackdown on corrupt princes, but I don’t know if you buy it, because they’re Saudi princes. Like, what do you mean “corruption”? Like, they already have all the money. Just look at this prince’s private airplane. Look at that.

That’s his normal ride. How do you bribe that guy? As, as it turns out, as it turns out, there might be more going on here than just corruption. What’s being presented as a crackdown on corruption, in my opinion, that’s a total smokescreen for what this is, is an abrupt consolidation of power by the crown prince and the elimination of rivals. Wait a minute. Consolidating power and getting rid of his political rivals. I wonder how President Trump feels about this whole thing?

President Trump is responding to the rapidly moving developments in Saudi Arabia. In two tweets yesterday, Trump endorsed Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman’s new corruption crackdown, tweeting, quote, “I have great confidence in King Salman “and the crown prince of Saudi Arabia. They know exactly what they are doing.” Of course, Trump loves this. Locking up political rivals is Trump’s wet dream.

He probably phoned the prince and he was like, (mimics Trump): “Is it true? It is true that you’re locking up all the enemies?” He’s like, (Egyptian accent): “That’s right, Donald. All of them. (mimics Trump): “Even Hillary? (Egyptian accent): “No, Donald, this is a different country. (mimics Trump); Oh, sad.” (laughter and applause) (normal voice): Now, now, look, I’m not saying that Trump endorsed these arrests, but I’m not saying that he didn’t.

The crown prince now has ties to Jared Kushner, Trump’s son-in-law and senior advisor, who actually took an unannounced trip to Saudi Arabia just days before this mass purge, and was reportedly up until 4:00 a.m., hanging out with the crown prince. Oh. Goddamn, J. Kush and the prince up till 4:00 a.m. Yeah. What could they possibly have been doing?

Now, to be fair, the situation in Saudi Arabia is a lot more complicated than that, right? The crown prince isn’t just trying to grab power, he’s also trying to modernize Saudi Arabia. Side-lining the old guard could let him diversify the economy, and expand women’s rights. So the kingdom might become more autocratic, but it also might become more free, which is a paradox, you know?

It’s like how not being monogamous can actually strengthen a relationship, you know? I mean, I’m, I’m not saying that would be a good idea, I’m-I’m just saying experts have found this to be true. Which a couple could test if certain people weren’t so rigid, but I’m just pointing that out. But no matter what the reasons, long story short, long story short, these princes are being detained and Saudi Arabia is Saudi Arabia, they’re being held in Riyadh’s harshest accommodations.

If you want to know more information about Saudi Arabia, you can watch the video below:

11 princes and nearly 40 current or former officials detained, reportedly being held at the lavish Ritz Carlton in Saudi Arabia in Riyadh. Arrested at the Ritz Carlton? Wow. That’s how you know your country’s rich, the world’s best hotel is your prison. It definitely makes it hard to complain about being oppressed. “I am been caged like an animal! “My rights are being curtailed! Alexa, play some mood music!” And the warden is probably like, “Hey, quiet down, or you go to the Marriott!” “No!”

Reassessing the Same Old Debate on Gun Control in American

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In America, the discussion around gun control always seems to go around in circles, ending in the same place.

Discussion Around Gun Control

Here to try and help explain more on this is my good friend Neal Brennan, everybody. Neal, I’m not gonna lie, I’m struggling with this, man. Can you help me figure out guns in America? Look, dude, at this point, this issue is a lot like John Travolta’s Botox face: there’s no movement.

Everyone’s going with the same old arguments. The left wants changes, the right doesn’t. But you know who had a unique view on this? Bill O’Reilly. He wrote a blog post on which, based on his sexual history, -I assumed was a porn site. Is it not porn? No, it’s like news and stuff. But here’s what he said about the Vegas shooting.

Yo, that crazy. I agree, but you got to appreciate that honesty. That’d be like Six Flags saying, “Yeah, you might die on a roller coaster, but do you want to meet Bugs Bunny or not?” Well, But my thing is I just don’t understand why, when guns are clearly a problem, people still don’t want to talk about guns.

Dude, you’re thinking about it wrong. They’re not arguing about guns, they’re arguing about freedom. Guns are just the symbol. You ever get in a fight with your girlfriend and you’re like, “Babe, what’s the big deal? I just dropped socks next to the bed,” and she’s like, “It’s not about socks, it’s about your need “for a mother figure and I don’t want to feel like I’m the son”? Too personal? Maybe a little bit.

What you’re saying is guns are actually just a symbol of freedom. Yeah. Everything in America is about symbols. That why the Colin Kaepernick kneeling thing got so crazy. For a lot of people, he wasn’t protesting against police violence, he was protesting the national anthem, and that’s the symbol for everything– the troops, bald eagles, mattress sales, Tom Hanks, type 2 diabetes– you know, America.

If guns are that powerful a symbol, then no one will ever get gun control. That’s where you’re wrong. The only way to fight a symbol is a symbol. And what’s the only symbol as powerful as guns? My… m-my face? Rhymes with “face,” starts with an “R…” -Oh, race? -That’s correct. -Oh, blackness. -That… Yes, blackness– I don’t know if you’ve picked up on this– heavily symbolic in this country. Well, but what-what do black people symbolize in America? How about you start? I don’t know, for some people, black people symbolize physical strength.

A threat to white dominance and big penises. That’s what I thought, then we went to the gym together. That was cold… It was a cold day. And I’ve seen your sex tape. That’s not a real thing. It’s not the point. What I’m saying: how are black people powerful enough as a symbol to fix the gun issue? It’s happened.

More information at here:

Back in 1967, a heavily-armed group of Black Panthers marched into-into the California state capitol and, wouldn’t you know it, within 12 weeks, the state of California, under Governor Ronald Reagan, passed a new gun control law called the Mulford Act. Damn– less than three months. They might as well have called it the “These Got Guns Act.” Agreed. And that’s the point. If we want gun control, here’s what we do. NFL players, listen to me. This Sunday, instead of taking a knee stand during the national anthem and, above your head, hold an AR-15. We’ll have new gun control legislation by halftime. Neal Brennan, everybody. Please follow ScrapinStyleTV to receive more information about American.

Fox News: Has a Hard Time Processing the Las Vegas Shooting

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Let’s move on the story that everyone in America has been dealing with– the mass shooting in Las Vegas. Today we learned more details about the shooter. He was a 64-year-old man from Florida with no criminal record, and he owned 42 guns.

Oh, and also, apparently, he was a multimillionaire. Which means right now he doesn’t fit any profile of any mass shooter. And you know who’s having a hard time processing all of that information? The good people at Fox News. Here’s the other thing. Bin Laden, we knew who to hate. You know, you saw Sandy Hook, -we knew that mutant living in his basement. -Yeah. We don’t even know enough about him to hate him yet.

That is… that is so true. How do you hate someone who’s killed, 59 people? Uh… Because he’s not Muslim. I mean, he wasn’t known to be mentally ill. He doesn’t kneel for the anthem. He’s just a rich white guy who shot people at a country music concert. Like, how do you hate him? There’s nothing to hate. I bet someone at Fox News right now is trying to hack into 23andMe, just like, “Come on, “there’s got to be something about him, “something about him, he’s got to have some… “Ah, two percent Inuit? I’ll take it, I’ll take it.

I guess it’s kind of a burka. I’ll take it.” Since Sunday’s shooting didn’t fit any of Fox’s established narratives, they couldn’t politicize it. Right? And if they couldn’t politicize it, then I guess neither should anyone else. Can we not have a day in which we mourn before we engage in some very divisive debate over an issue on which there’s been no agreement in this country for a very long time? You truly hope that in a moment like this we can move beyond politics.

Do you need to politicize this today? Can you just stand-down for a moment? I like how FOX News says “please don’t politicize this today,” as if there’s anytime they’d be willing to talk about gun control. ‘Cause, I mean, I’m-I’m happy to wait a couple of days, but you know they’d be like, “Oh, sorry. We can’t-do Thursday. Yeah, we’re gonna be talking about Hillary’s e-mails.” Be like, “Oh, what about, what about Friday?” “No, still talking about Hillary’s e-mails.” “Next month, next year?” “Yeah, we’re gonna be swamped with the e-mails for a while. Yeah.” But I get the concern.

I mean, what kind of terrible people would push a political agenda the day after a mass shooting? A shooting like with Orlando. In the wake of this attack, you wonder whether people like that should be, you know, should be coming here. Everyone in the Muslim community, let’s be part of the solution and work together as Americans to combat radical Islamic terrorism.

It would be to the president’s best interest to rally around the country to name an enemy and a movement to stop. Anybody who’s coming from overseas, especially from the Middle East, we need to vet them out. Okay. That-that last guy’s just weird. No. It’s almost like he just doesn’t want to see his family. (with Middle Eastern accent): “We need to vet “all of the people from the Middle East, “especially my brother Hamid, “who are always trying to come here “and borrow money from me, “and we need to vet my Aunt Fatima, “who are always trying to set me up.

“I’m not getting married, Fatima. “Hashtag #SingleToMingle, okay? “Okay? Block all of them. “Block all of them! All of them.” So clearly, FOX’s whole, “don’t politicize it” is BS. Or maybe just a way to buy time while they’re figuring out how to politicize it. Right now, friends helped friends to safety, people helped strangers to safety, and law enforcement was running towards the bullet, so all those kneelers in the NFL out there, they need to recognize when they’re kneeling during the anthem, they’re kneeling, and we’re supposed to be honoring law enforcement, law enforcement that’s trying to save lives, not take lives.

Wow. Wow. Did this guy just find a way to use the mass shooting to pivot back to the NFL argument? Yeah, like, after watching this, you’d be thinking, “Hundreds of people shot in Las Vegas. Colin Kaepernick, you son of a bitch!” But-but I hear, what is his point? You’ve got to show respect to the police. Personally, I’d rather respect the police by reducing the number of guns that risk killing police. But, yeah. I mean, not kneeling is good, too. You do your thing do. Do whatever you want.

The people on FOX News are so desperate to find a narrative to grasp onto, that at times, even they couldn’t get on board with their own ideas. His brother said he didn’t believe in God, or didn’t have a God, or didn’t have faith in his life, so maybe, this is all speculation, but that possibly could be the reason. Because he knows country musicians or country music fans are normally pro-God and go to church on Sundays.

Maybe he has a problem with that or had a problem with that. -Okay. You all want to weigh-in on that. -All right. -Yeah. No. I didn’t know if… -All right, stay silent. -I didn’t know if Steve– -Let us know what you think. -Send us your e-mails. -Well– Yeah. Dear FOX News, that was hilarious. E-mail sent. Yesterday, everyone on FOX News was flailing like Mariah Carey on New Year’s Eve. Everyone– Well, everyone except for one man: SpongeBob Squarehead. Imagine if the president today brought up the Second Amendment– how would the news media in this country have reacted?

There were a lot of people that raced immediately to, “Let’s talk about guns.” I’ve always been a believer that you-you got to prepare to defend yourself. And-and I had gun permits in New York and Rhode Island and California and-and… and Alabama and Georgia in my life, and I-I was trained in the use of a firearm by my parents, that had connections to law enforcement. What does that mean?

“I was trained in the use “of a firearm by my parents, that had connections to law enforcement”? The world doesn’t work like that. Like, if someone’s sick on the plane, no one screams, “Does anyone have a cousin who watched Grey’s Anatomy? Anyone?” But according to Sean Hannity, what really stops a bad guy with a gun is a Sean Hannity with a gun. This guy’s got a machine gun.

Okay, how are they gonna take him on without a weapon? Or if it’s happening within a crowd– if you’re in San Bernardino, do you want Sean Hannity, who are trained in the safety and use of a firearm in that room, so when they drop the clip and they start to reload, you got a shot, you got a chance? Okay, Sean, you answered your own question. The shooter was 400 yards away in a hotel room 32 floors up. But you’re, like, “Yeah, but if he was down on the ground “and close to me and was out of bullets, then I might have a chance to shoot him down.

“That’s like saying, “If Tyra Banks had no money “and I had all the money “and she was, like, really hungry, I might have a chance.” It’s not reality. Hannity’s fantasy was so ridiculous that even his Fox colleague couldn’t get on board. Do you want Sean Hannity, who are trained in the safety and use of a firearm in that room, so when they drop the clip and they start to reload you got a shot, you got a chance?

Yeah, wouldn’t have done much good with a bandolier… It’s 32nd, uh, floor, unless you had a high-powered rifle to take him out, but uh, but your point is well taken. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Sean, you-you made absolutely no sense, but your point is well taken. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know she’s thinking, “Dude, you couldn’t even “protect women from being sexually harassed “in your own building, and now you’re Batman? “Calm down. Calm down, man. “Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.” I’m… Like, I’m not gonna lie– he may seem crazy, but after watching that, I wish Sean Hannity would start his own security service.

ANNOUNCER: In a dangerous world, if you need protection, then you need… Sean Hannity’s Private Security Services! Sean Hannity is trained in kicking ass, throwing footballs indoors, and wearing his hat backward. So when the crap hits the fan, Hannity’s your man. Do you want Sean Hannity, who are trained in the safety and use of the firearm in that room, so when they drop the clip and they start to reload, you got a shot, you got a chance? If you’re threatened by a shooter who is in the room and has run out of bullets, then you’ve got a chance! Sean Hannity’s Private Security Services– total protection in very specific circumstances. See you again, ScrapinStyleTV.

Donald Trump Doubles Down on Fat-Shaming Miss Universe : ScrapinStyleTV

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Now before the break, we saw how Donald Trump obsessed over the physical appearance of Miss Universe.

Wowww Donald Trump Doubles Down on Fat-Shaming Miss Universe

Reportedly calling her Miss Piggy, uh, which many people were not impressed by, including the actual Miss Piggy, who was like, “Oh, I didn’t hear you complaining when you were tapping this, Donald.” Uh, now to be… that-that’s not fair. Miss Piggy would never have sex with Donald. I’m sorry, Miss Piggy. Now, to be totally fair, it-it’s common for people in many fields to be held to high standards of fitness and beauty.

And not just in, you know, a Miss Universe Pageant. Obviously, women face a lot more scrutiny in that department, but even my contract for this show says that I’m not allowed to have certain things. Like, I’m not allowed to rock my trademark soul patch, right? Uh, yeah, because apparently it tested badly with millenials, uh, and baby boomers and single women, and married women, um, and minorities, and white people, and men, and children, uh, and animals.

But still, I miss you every day, patchy. Uh, but even if, even if you grant that point. The thing we are learning every day about Donald Trump, is that he doesn’t just treat beauty pageants like beauty pageants. In fact, during the campaign, he treated his fellow candidates like they were running for Miss President. This year Secretary Clinton became the first woman nominated for president by a major party.

Earlier this month, you said she doesn’t have, “A presidential look.” TV REPORTER: The billionaire businessman taking heat for comments he made about Carly Fiorina in a Rolling Stone article published yesterday. Trump reportedly saying, “Look at that face. Would anyone vote for that?” Well, it turns out, no. No. But not because of her face. There was an endless bounty of reasons not to vote for Carly Fiorina that have nothing to do with her face.

And this beauty standard of Trumps isn’t just a personal thing with him, right? He applies these principles to his professional life as well. Here he is on stage explaining his hiring policy to a young woman who has just asked for a job. -Isn’t that horrible? WOMAN: Ew. -MAN: Ew. -(people groaning) -“Ew” is correct.  Experience doesn’t matter. If Trump thinks you’re hot, then you’re hired.

So I guess now we can stop speculating about what Trump’s Supreme Court would look like. Only difference is, no more lifetime appointments. As 35, you’re gone. But that waitress’ appearance is what Trump is focused on, all right? Because that’s what he does. Every time. As The Daily Show revealed earlier this year, this was even the case when Trump was asked about his own one-year-old baby. Now, Donald, what does Tiffany have of yours, and what does Tiffany have of Marla’s?

Well, I think that she’s got a lot of Marla. She’s a really beautiful baby, and she’s, uh… she’s got, um… she Marla’s legs. We don’t know whether or not, she’s got this part yet, but time will tell. I don’t care how many times you watch that. -It never stops being creepy. It’s like seeing photographs of dogs wearing pantyhose. No matter how many times you look at it, it never stops feeling like you just walked in on your grandma in the bathroom. There is no context in which Trump will not zero in on a woman’s looks. And we discovered a clip the other day that exemplifies that perfectly. It’s December 2004, and America is in a tizzy over a sex scandal in which a 23-year-old middle school teacher was arrested for having sex with a 14-year-old student. AKA, a sex crime.

And in an appearance on a morning radio show, Donald Trump was kind enough to share some of his thoughts. DON IMUS: Yeah. Well… You know, for a man who’s so pessimistic about America, about the world, about humanity as a whole, Donald Trump has a surprisingly glass-half-full perspective on adults banging middle schoolers. I mean, wow, is there anything that Donald Trump doesn’t judge by how hot the woman is? God forbid America, under President Trump, is ever invaded by Sweden. He’d just be like, “I’m okay with this, folks.

Get me a white flag and a bottle of cologne. We’re gonna take it.” And, look, let’s be fair– Trump is not alone here. Many men– many men and many adolescent boys, you know– for them, hooking up with their hot teacher was the dream. Not me, though, because my teacher was a giraffe, okay? -It was a totally different world. -(audience laughs) No, guys, don’t laugh, don’t laugh, please.

Because this was the village’s smartest giraffe. It’s not like we just put any old giraffe in charge of the classroom. Come on, give us some credit. Africa jokes: I only say them because some of you believe them. The point is, a lot of men probably have the same reaction to this hot teacher story.

But a lot of men also probably shouldn’t be president. Especially a man who thinks life itself is nothing more than a beauty contest where every woman alive is a participant, whether they want to be or not. Because let’s be honest here, folks, there’s only one pig in this whole story. And it’s the one who got slaughtered. Let’s follow ScrapinStyleTV.

#OMG Unbelievable: The GOP Shoves Health Care Through the House

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Everyone has seen it by now, but if case you had, uh, bad eyesight, then I’ve got some bad news about your health care. President Trump celebrating the House successfully passing the Republicans’ latest plan to repeal… replace Obamacare. What we have is something very, very, incredibly well-crafted. How am I doing, am I doing okay? I’m president. Hey, I’m president. Can you believe it, right? -Yeah.  Even… even Donald Trump can’t believe he’s president.

Unbelievable: The GOP Shoves Health Care Through the House

I guess he does relate to the American people after all. You know? I can’t believe that guy is president. I know, it’s crazy. It’s so crazy. And today was crazy. No doubt about it. Because after seven years of foreplay and with just two votes to spare, the House Republicans successfully passed a bill to repeal Obamacare. Which could mean more than 20 million Americans would no longer have health insurance. People with preexisting conditions could see a massive spike in their premiums. Although the truth is we don’t know any of this for sure.

Why? Because Republicans passed this bill without an official scoring of its costs from the CBO. So the true effects of the bill could be anything. Hell, your baby could have to do its own C-section from the inside. You don’t know. And you know what, that’s the problem with politics these days. Republicans cared less about the bill’s quality than the optics of getting a bill passed. And we know that they didn’t like this bill, because they kept on telling us. It’s not the most perfect bill, but nothing’s gonna be perfect, so let’s move it forward, let’s get it to the senate. Is it perfect?

No, it is not. I’ve made my peace saying, “Okay, it’s the best that we can get out of this congress at this time.” We think that it’s a-a step in the right direction. I’ve been working with my senate colleagues to hopefully improve it in the senate. Again, I’m just very anxious to see the senate get to work on this same project. It’s something that, uh, we can live with. Oh, something we can live with? That’s a particularly poor choice of words. Right now there’s someone with cancer watching that going, “Who the (bleep) is ‘we’?” Because the big difference between the bill the House passed today and the one that failed six weeks ago is that this one is even worse for people who are most vulnerable.

Basically, Republicans said, “Hey, all the poor and sick people, “what do you need? “All right. Psych.” REPORTER: The current bill phases out the expansion of Medicaid and allows states to opt out of the requirement that insurers cover basic health services like maternity care, mental health treatment, and even ambulances. Yeah. (chuckles) How insane is that? Under this bill, if you live in a red state, ambulances might not be a basic benefit anymore. Now when you get injured, you get picked up by a taxi with a bachelorette party on the roof.

That’s all that’s gonna happen. They’ll be… (whooping) You’ll be like, “Please, I’ve got to get to the hospital.” “Yeah, but, first, can we stop by McDonald’s? I think I’m gonna throw…” (retching) And, you know what, it gets even worse, because, right now, Obamacare doesn’t let insurers raise rates for people with preexisting conditions. But with this bill, their rates could go way up. And if people can’t afford those higher rates, they get thrown into something called a high-risk pool, which sounds less like an insurance plan and more like something you’d find in Charlie Sheen’s backyard.

And now, and now, Republicans will tell you that they’ll subsidize these high-risk pools enough so that everyone in them can afford health care. The only problem is math. The GOP bill calls for $8 billion over five years to fund these high-risk pools. The $8 billion is essentially a drop in the bucket. REPORTER: We’re looking at a graphic there of the $8 billion that caused a lot of the Republicans who were noes to turn to yes. And you see that that still leaves a huge shortfall of about $192 billion. Yeah.

I’m just gonna put it out there. If you’re short by $192 billion, just say you don’t have the money, right? That’s not being short. You can’t be like, “Oh, hey, man, I left my wallet at home. “Can you spot me $192 billion? Yeah, I’ll Venmo it. I’ll Venmo it back.” You can’t be short by the GDP of Greece. That is not short. That’s not the money. And, by the way, I love that this proposal is called the Upton Amendment. They might as well call it the Kate Upton Amendment, because there’s barely any coverage. And… and with the two parties in total disagreement, what would be a good way to figure out how much of a disaster for the American people this bill is? Well, I mean, you could ask any of the organizations that know anything about health care, old people, or sick people what they think of it. REPORTER: The plan has been panned by most major interest groups, including the American Medical Association, the AARP, and the American Cancer Society.

The American Lung Association, the Heart Association, the Diabetes Association, the March of Dimes… The National Rural Health Association opposed to this bill. The American Thoracic Society in oppose to this bill. The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. The National Organization for Rare Disorders and the National Coalition for Women and… with Heart Disease. Almost every group is against this bill. The American Cancer Society, the AMA, the AARP, the AA, double batteries, AAA, Triple H, H&M;, and Preparation H. And they know a pain in the ass when they see one. You know, there are many people who are gonna be mad about what happened today.

And one group that should be more pissed off than any other is Trump voters. Because we all remember what we heard from Trump during the campaign. TRUMP: And when you’re a star, they let you do it. -You can do anything. -BILLY BUSH: Whatever you want. TRUMP: Grab ’em by the pussy. No. No, no. No, no, sorry. No, not that one. The stuff about health care. Everybody’s got to be covered. Everybody’s gonna be taken care of much better than they’re taken care of now. We’re gonna have great plans. They’re gonna be much less expensive and… Preexisting conditions are in the bill, and I mandate it, I said it has to be. You’ll get your doctor, you’ll get everything that you want to get. It’ll be unbelievable. Yeah, Donald Trump is right. What happened today was (bleep) unbelievable.Let’s follow Scrapinstyletv.

Thanks to Hurricane Harvey, the “Dealmaker President” Finally Makes a Deal: SISTV

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Hurricane season continues with devastating effects. TV REPORTER: Breaking news from overnight, it’s now the most powerful hurricane ever recorded in the Atlantic, and now on a collision course with Florida. Hurricane Irma is leaving a path of destruction in the Caribbean. TV REPORTER: Smashing into St. Martin, St. Barts, Anguilla, Guadalupe, and Barbuda. And she is still churning at this hour.


Can I just ask a question? How many once-in-a-lifetime events is it gonna take  in our lifetime for everyone to admit that maybe man-made climate change is real? Like, you do realize Hurricane Irma is the most powerful Atlantic storm ever recorded. And that is exactly the sort of thing that climate science predicts, right? In this part of the world, warmer oceans will lead to stronger hurricanes.

Like, I’m so confused at times. Like, what is it gonna get to get– what is it gonna take to get climate deniers to acknowledge this? You know? Like, like, maybe we need ISIS to help us out. Maybe this is where we go, like, “Hey, ISIS, I know we don’t agree on stuff. Can you help us out here?” Like, maybe ISIS should start taking credit for hurricanes. They should. Isis should just be like– every time a hurricane hits, ISIS should be like, “That was us. “We sent that storm.

We sent that storm to destroy America.” And then Republicans will be like, “That’s ridiculous. You guys can’t cause hurricanes.” And they’ll be like, “Well, then, uh, who causes the hurricanes?” They’ll be like, “They’re caused by cli– Oh, man, climate change– oh. “Nicely played. Damn it. “Nicely played. Nicely played. ISIS. ISIS caused it.” And it is scary to get such a massive hurricane so soon after Harvey, you know? Luckily, for Americans, though, the president is there with his soothing and poetic words.

There’s a new and seems to be record-breaking hurricane heading right toward Florida and Puerto Rico and other places. We’ll see what happens. We’ll know in a very short period of time. But it looks like it could be something that will be not good. Believe me, not good. Got it. “Not good.” Okay. I hope Donald Trump does the eulogy at my funeral. (mimics Trump): “Trevor, Trevor was a man.”  

But before America deals with this potential disaster, unfortunately, it has to finish dealing with its current disaster, all right? And, no, no. I’m not talking about that. No! Who would even– no. The new song is much better. I’m talking about Hurricane Harvey. As you know, victims in Texas are in need of relief funding. Unfortunately, that funding has to come from the federal government. And this morning, it wasn’t clear if there was even going to be a federal government.

Republicans have a packed agenda when they return to Congress on September 5th. Among their essential tasks, passing a new spending bill and raising the debt ceiling by month’s end. It’s called the “X” date, exactly when the government runs out of money. The latest target, early to mid October. To avoid picking and choosing which bills to pay, lawmakers must raise the country’s debt limit before then, so the Treasury can pay America’s bills in full and on time.

Now, that debt ceiling will be hit exactly as Congress needs to pass a spending measure to keep the government open. And the president is now threatening a government shutdown if his border wall is not funded. You know that Trump doesn’t even care about the wall, right? He just wants to get the government to shut down so he doesn’t have to work; that’s his game plan.

That’s his plan. I bet even if they gave him the wall to avoid the shutdown, he’d still be like, (mimics Trump): “Oh, well, now I want a spaceship “to send all the Mexicans to the moon. “O-Okay, that as well. (crying): “Why are you being so– I just want to play golf. I want to play golf!” (regular voice): So when we woke up this morning, there was a big chance that the federal government could be shutdown in a few weeks, because, as usual, everyone in Washington was too busy slap-fighting each other.

Right? And everyone was mad about it. Everyone’s slap-fighting, like, “I hate this.” Except for Ted Cruz. He was like, “Human touch. “Human touch. Human touch. I love this game.” So for Hurricane Harvey victims counting on federal aid, things were looking really bleak. But then at roughly 12:30 p.m. Eastern daylight time, a true miracle took place. The thing you would never expect to happen actually happened: Donald Trump made a deal. Fox News alert for you.

Aboard Air Force One, President Trump just announcing that he has reached a bipartisan deal on raising the debt ceiling and funding for victims of Hurricane Harvey. We had a great meeting with Chuck Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, and, uh, the whole Republican leadership group, and we walked out, and everybody was happy. It was a really good moment of some bipartisanship and getting things done, no one standing in their corner. We thought, for the good of the country, we should make the right offer, and we did. And we’re very glad the president accepted it. Okay, I don’t know about you guys, but this all feels like some crazy dream.

Donald Trump is working together with the Democrats? And my hand is a fish? Aah! Aah! Aah… Oh, no, no. No, false alarm. I just remembered I’m holding a plastic fish. I put it on my hand so I could tell this joke. There we go. There we go. But still… Thank you, ma’am. But still… but still… Trump and the Democrats working together. You have to admit, that is super weird. It’s like finding out your mom still has sex. Like, you’re happy, because she’s a person. You just don’t think of her that way. And it turns out I wasn’t the only person today who was like, “Whoa, Mom!” WOLF BLITZER: A source says President Trump left Republican leaders “shell-shocked” today by agreeing with congressional Democrats. He essentially went into the Oval Office, uh, and kicked them in the gut.

It seems that it has really caught Republicans off guard. As you just noted, Kate, just… -I mean, moments before the president did this, -Yeah. Paul Ryan called this proposal ridiculous. Damn. If Paul Ryan had balls, that is right where Trump would have kicked him. Right there. Right there. But even though they hate it, apparently, enough Republicans will go along with the new deal, agreeing to raise the debt ceiling and averting a government shutdown for a while. So it looks like Congress has accomplished its mission, its main mission.

But now, there’s all the side quests that the Republican leaders want to complete, you know? Like tax reform, uh, dealing with health care, finding a way to keep Dreamers in the country. Vacuuming under Mitch McConnell’s jowls. Uh, where, by the way, several Dreamers are currently hiding. Now… are they going to be able to do all this stuff? I-I don’t know. I don’t think anybody knows. But let’s put it this way: it took a hurricane just to get the government to stay open. And staying open is square one, by the way.

That’s where you should be all the time, and then you should work. But they got it done and, in a way, that’s the good news. The government has shown that it still can function. The bad news is that it takes a hurricane to get them going. The good news is that there’s more hurricanes coming. The bad news is that they’re hurricanes. Like, at this rate, Americans are gonna be hoping for natural disasters just so their government gets (bleep) done. Like-like, who knows? Who know? In the future, instead of getting the news from the news, Americans might just be watching the weather.

Thanks, Trevor. Are you ready for the Weather Smother? Here we go. We’re talking weather and politics, so get out your umbrella and your veto pen. We’ve got a tropical depression forming in the Gulf that could bring with it prescription drug funding for underprivileged youth with mental health issues. We’ll keep an eye on that, you crazy kids, huh? John Long, third grade, used to eat glue? Wildfires are blazing hard in Utah. That’s good news if you’re for legalizing weed. Don’t touch the stuff. Do more of, uh, chemicals– Molly, MDMA.

Let’s get back to Weather Smother. And this is the heat wave that’s continuing across the south. We might just have to decriminalize sodomy. That’s what I call hot. That’s the Weather Smother. We are Scrapinstyletv Come on, Trevor, hit me right now! Scrapinstyletv, everybody.